How many people have a favorite pup, but won’t admit it? How many people won’t admit it because they somehow think it is wrong to do so? Our male Golden Retriever, Jasper, is my favorite. The little guy is a master counter-surfer and a habitual thief, but I absolutely love his mischievous, happy and loving personality. He is always smiling and wagging his tail – even as he is getting into trouble. Jasper and I have different definitions of trouble, but that doesn’t bother either of us. 

It’s not as if I don’t love our other two pups, because I do. Boo is very sensitive and will shy away from uncertain situations, but at the same time seems to think she should be in charge of the pack – always an interesting combination. Schatzi is a former EDC who comes with her own agenda of sniffing her way through the world – she is very focused and driven when she is outdoors and very quiet and affectionate indoors. All dogs are special in their own way and mine are no different. 

Back to this idea of having a favorite though. People have repeatedly told me over the years that it is wrong to have a favorite. What’s interesting is that it is generally acceptable to have a favorite uncle or cousin, but not cool to have a favorite pup. I can’t say how many times I’ve gotten a tongue lashing over admitting I have a favorite. One woman that I met in my Vet’s lobby last year was so seemingly incensed that I admitted to having a favorite dog that she looked at me like I was a bad smell, got up and took her two dogs to the other side of the lobby to wait for her appointment. As she was walking away, she turned back and told me it was wrong to have a favorite child as well. 

I don’t have any children, but I could totally see how displaying favoritism to your young children would totally screw up your kids. That’s a no brainer. Although it is sort of ironic in a way, because both my sister and I know that my parents had a favorite. My Dad easily favored me, while my Mother totally favored my sister. I’ve asked numerous friends and acquaintances if their parents had a favorite and so far, I’ve only had one ‘no’. That particular friend emphatically insisted that her parents had no favorites and loved all three of their children equally. 

 What really stood out for me from my friend’s answer was that she equated favorite with more love. I don’t perceive love that way – I don’t look at love in the way of levels or degrees. I think love is love. I believe either you love someone or you don’t. I can’t quite wrap my mind around loving in degrees, because at that point it is about categorizing and labeling and that just doesn’t gel well for me, as well as goes against the entire unrelenting force of love. Can you imagine categorizing your friends by degree of love – Stacey is a grade A love, Toby is grade C love and Suzy is grade B love? Categorizing love seems mechanical and contrived. 

So, if all love is equal – how can I have a fav? Easy – having a favorite has to do with connection. One thing humans and pups have in common is the need for connection and belonging – we are hardwired for it – although the connection is not always easy to define and articulate. Ever since Jasper was a puppy, I felt more connected to him than the other two. I suspect it has to do with his personality. 

I get a huge kick out of Jasper each and every day. He is so loving and happy all of the time. He is the first to check out something new and each and every day is a brand-new day for him. Every morning we have to check out the same deserted rabbit hole that we have for the past two years – just to make sure a new bunny family hasn’t moved in. Every single morning. I love that he is so forgiving and happy all of the time. His playful antics make me laugh, no matter how I am feeling or what kind of day I have had. Above all else – I LOVE that Jasper represents the way the world should be – loving, forgiving and accepting – this is truly golden for me. 

I’ve never been able to understand why people try to shame me for having a favorite. It would be a different story if Boo and Schatz received inferior treatment than Jasper. I intentionally spend the same amount of time with all of them – they all go on individual walks several times a week, instead of group walks. When I go trail walking, they are on a rotation and everyone always gets their share of cuddles, pets and treats. I am just as distressed when any of the three gets sick or has to have surgery. I love them all. 

So what is the big deal – why people have such a passionate and verbal reaction to someone having a favorite dog? I suspect that some dog moms feel that if they admit to having a favorite, people will assume they are a bad dog owner. This I know to be true because I’ve been called a bad dog owner after saying I had a favorite pup. Or maybe it has to do with our tendency to anthropomorphize our dogs and some people are worried that they will somehow emotionally damage their pups? But in order for that to happen, our pups would have to actually understand the concept of favorite. As long as they are treating all of their pups the same, their dogs aren’t going to understand any difference. 

The other idea I’ve been tossing around is that people obviously tend to react strongly to things that they have an emotional stake in. Is it possible that favoritism in some detrimental form is part of their personal history and they are having a visceral reaction to seeing another form of favoritism? I have no idea why people think it is wrong. When I have asked, I hear the same thing – just that it is wrong. I do know one thing – having a favorite does not mean that I love Jasper more than the others – it simply means I feel more of a connection.